Let me be honest with myself

Yes it's another blog about my lack of sleep. Only this time I'm going to be realistic about the next time I get a full nights sleep. I realized today while brushing my teeth and putting on normal clothes (not pj's) that the random nights I get more than 3 hours of sleep I mustn't hold on to them thinking they will happen again soon but rather enjoy them while I have them. I google'd breastfeeding & sleep deprivation and was amazed to find millions of mom's around the world experiencing worse than my situation. Through reading these various websites I found out that babies into toddlerhood can still get up multiple times a night. So this lead me to accept my lot and stop looking into the distance for a full nights sleep, because I think if I keep dwelling on my lack of sleep I may lose my mind (I probably already have). My eye is still twitching & I am in a constant state of dizziness but if this persists I may experience hallucinations and black outs li...

So the more I think about it, the more I'm accepting being a woman. List of things that I like that are sooo girly -sewing -knitting -scrapbooking -makeup -shopping (depending on what for) -shoes -purses -kitchen ware (serving platters etc) -baking -making stuff like homemade b-day cards, DIY decorations, gift bakets and bags, & candy! ...wow. Could I be anymore feminine? lol. But it's okay this is something I'm no longer running away from but embracing. I can still be xtuffx and be girly right? Come to think of it theres one manly thing I don't think I'll ever like...BEER. blegh. Anyway, my friend is having a baby shower this weekend and I had so much fun making a baby sock rose bouquet! I would post pix but they can't see it cuz then they would know what colors we're using. I can't wait to cook and serve during the baby shower, thats one my favorite things to do! I feel like such a noob cuz I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to being c...

"Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh shall from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit reap eternal life." Gal. 6:7-8 I pretty much feel like I get in a 6 month cycle in the my life. For about 3 months I do well...I try to read my bible, meditate on scripture, and I try to pray throughout the day. For those three months my life is great (I don't have such a crappy attitude). Then something happens and around month 4 I've successfully stopped reading my bible praying and talking about/to God. Not only does this effect my personal spiritual life but I'm not fun to be around! I tend to be more negative and irritable and generally hate the world. By month 6 I feel dry, distant, and miserable and I know it's all my fault due to my laziness. It's not that I don't have time to cultivate my spiritual life it's just that I'm not intentional w...

"We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brethren. He who does not love abides in death. Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer; and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him. We know love by this, that He laid down His life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren." 1 John 3:14-16 I read this scripture a couple of months ago and it really hit me hard. After being a reject and just plain awkward in junior high I decided that I didn't want friends and I didn't like people. Being anti-social was my security blanket, I didn't have to get out of my comfort zone and I definitely didn't care about what anyone else thought. This attitude carried on into adulthood and being part of "christian" subcultures that had no respect for others I felt no conviction about my bad attitude. It wasn't until I got married and had someone around 24/7 that my ugly selfish personality began to wor...

I have so much "mommy stuff" bouncing around in my head I don't know where to start. When I brought home my beautiful baby girl I was under the impression she would eat, sleep, and poop. Well she did eat...A LOT and often. And she definitely knocked out a good amount of diapers a day but the sleep part...not so much. She will be four months officially on monday and she still gets up at night every 2-4 hrs to eat and naps for 30min-1hr throughout the day. "Will I ever sleep through the night again?" is a question I ask myself once a week. She is growing so well and is pretty stinkin smart I have no cause for concern...other than my selfish desires. Right now I'm trying to figure out if I should start introducing food, there is so much information out there when it comes to parenting crap that I don't even know whats right! Instead of getting stressed out I think I'll go with the flow and wait on my baby to determine a lot of these steps. For now the o...

My eye has been twitching for about two weeks now and I'm hoping it's just due to my serious lack of sleep. Since I'm too tired to finish my chores I'm gonna relax and unwind by writing. I'm glad blogger isn't like LJ because I feel like I have the freedom to just write my thoughts without being concerned about getting as many comments as possible. Those were the days... LJ . Aaron actually saved a couple of entries because we both wrote about each other when we first met and it makes us nostalgic to go back and see how thrilled we were to have met. Though we've always been like "Iron sharpening iron" the glue that has kept us together has been God and our...well...love for each other. It's crazy to think that we've only been married 4 years and been together 5! I was just reflecting today on what my life would've been like with my "ex" and I don't know if I would've truly gotten what I needed out of that relationship...

Matt. 12:33-37 "Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad; for the tree is known by its fruit, You brood of vipers, how can you, being evil, speak what is good? For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart. The good man brings out of his good treasure what is good; and the evil man brings out of his evil treasure what is evil. But I tell you that every careless word that people speak, they shall give an accounting for it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned." Last night at church Aaron shared about this scripture and I must say it was pretty convicting. To think that the things that come out of my mouth are due to an abundance in my heart is scary. What thoughts have I been dwelling on that have created such resentment and anger to come pouring out onto whoever is listening? Talk about needing to repent! In addition to that I've been meditating on Eph. ...