Let me be honest with myself

Can I just say that being a parent pushes your buttons in ways that no other experience can? I have a pretty great husband. Though we both have our issues thankfully he doesn't have ALL the same issues I do. He is a really great dad and I am currently learning how to be a good parent by observing him (/arguing with him). It's amazing to see how someone can naturally pour out patience and create an environment of clarity. You see being impatient, reactionary, and emotional is like breathing to me. There's so many times I flip a lid and my husband looks at me like I'm a psycho and I say "Wha? What's wrong?". I'm so used to carrying myself in an unregulated manner that it doesn't enter into my mind to reconsider my actions until my life mate verbally reflects back to me his perception of said actions. At that point I realize...wow I am a bit cracked. And then I have to tell myself to just calm the eff down and pick my battles. Which is so difficult w...

Wow it's been awhile! My mind and spirit needed a break from processing and just needed to live. Experiences are so powerful and I find that I am constantly being changed by them simply by living life. I am no long afraid of things I don't understand. I just want to accept and evaluate accordingly. My family life right now is the fire under my bum, pushing me to digger deeper, always asking myself "Why the hell do you think the way you do?". More and more I am realizing how deeply responsible I am for myself. For my thoughts, actions, and attitudes. This has been a grueling process and very humbling (or humiliating?). I have to say during this time of digging deep I have found that I take for granted the things I speak aloud. Why is it so easy for me to complain and be negative? Maybe it's hereditary or maybe I have allowed myself to be this way. Either way, the older I grow the more I want to shake off the yoke of my selfish point of view. And really all of this...