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It's been awhile

Wow it's been awhile!
My mind and spirit needed a break from processing and just needed to live. Experiences are so powerful and I find that I am constantly being changed by them simply by living life. I am no long afraid of things I don't understand. I just want to accept and evaluate accordingly. My family life right now is the fire under my bum, pushing me to digger deeper, always asking myself "Why the hell do you think the way you do?". More and more I am realizing how deeply responsible I am for myself. For my thoughts, actions, and attitudes. This has been a grueling process and very humbling (or humiliating?). I have to say during this time of digging deep I have found that I take for granted the things I speak aloud. Why is it so easy for me to complain and be negative? Maybe it's hereditary or maybe I have allowed myself to be this way. Either way, the older I grow the more I want to shake off the yoke of my selfish point of view. And really all of this internal negativity finds it's way out and others have to experience it or deal with it when being around me. Ultimately I'm learning the art of timing and the art of self regulation. I know I'm being lead to learn from life in every situation both fortunate and unfortunate. 

 "The wind blows where it wishes and you hear the sound of it, but do not know where it comes from and where it is going; so is everyone who is born of the Spirit." John 3:8 (NAS)

 When I say I'm not afraid anymore I mean that I know I'm being lead, watched over, and the being that I call God is constantly showing me connections between the physical and spiritual. I have had time to explore other religions and it's been so amazing to find truth and lessons that are very similar to the teachings of Christ. I know truth is truth and regardless of the people that write it or discover it truth is something to live by and thrive from. I have been blessed throughout my life because I was introduced to a Spirit that guides me and speaks those truths to me. I no longer seek to use that Spirit like it's a vending machine but I just want to live and learn to love the way Jesus always spoke about. It's difficult to articulate all that I have been through lately but this is the season of change for myself. The season to tear down the former things that kept me from truth. That's all I can manage to write down for now but just know I am still here. Still seeking to follow the winds of truth wherever they lead. 

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