Let me be honest with myself

Life feels like a balancing act of transitions and lulls. When you throw offspring into the mix the transitions come at a faster rate. Each milestone that passes feels like a weight off my shoulders only to be replaced by the oncoming milestones. My child/children have taken precedence over everything for me. I am confident in my identity as a woman and my personal goals/career. On the other hand I feel a deep sense of responsibility to make sure my offspring is given the opportunity to explore themselves and the world. I don't want them to fall into the rat race of life. The dreaded american dream. There is so much more life has to offer. When will they ever learn to be human...rather humane if their time is occupied by a way of living that simply preoccupies the mind? Depression kind of runs in my family. I've noticed living in a society that distracts us with consumerism, competition, "goals", etc. leaves those prone to depression feeling empty. We need spaces th...

When I was a child we had a decent sized field in my neighborhood. My dad would drive his truck at night, park in the field, and we would get in the back and look up at the stars. Back then we didn't have as many 24 hr. stores so you could really see a good amount. I would lie back and count how many shooting stars I could see. For some reason after awhile the expanse of the sky would overwhelm me. I would get this uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach and I felt the need to hold onto something. I feared that I could float off the surface of the earth at any moment like an astronaut untethered in space, free floating into eternity. It was such a strange anxious feeling. As I look at the expanse of my future it feels a lot like looking into eternity. It is uncertain and unknown. The freedom of it all scares me. A part of me needs to be restrained by fear or anxiety because at least it's something to hold onto...a safety harness. Maybe if I check and survey all known possibil...