Let me be honest with myself

“Blessed are   the poor in spirit, for   theirs is the kingdom of heaven. “Blessed are  those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." -Matt. 5:3-4 The past month has been rough for our house. My husband has gone between nurse and patient, my daughter was sick for almost 3 weeks with two different bouts of sickness. And I've been taking care of Angel and took my turn with a virus and found out we had conceived during that time. I was very excited but my fever kept me from enjoying the pregnancy. After about four days of fever and cold symptoms I started spotting and immediately asked trusted friends/family what to do. Come to find out that all of my symptoms (spotting, back cramps) we're signs that I was having a miscarriage. It was upsetting but it didn't really sink in at first. We had been trying for about five months and I was so excited to confirm with my doctor. I knew miscarriage was a possibility but of course I had no idea what to look for so I felt caug...

So after discovering being pregnant, my world began to rapidly change. I unknowingly began to "prepare" myself to live in the most sacrificial way I had ever experienced. Everyone experiences becoming a mother differently, some women at the first sight of their child cry, some laugh, some feel at peace, and some don't feel very much at all. I happened to be one who laughed, I laughed while in a state of shock when my baby was born! I really didn't expect a baby to come out of me I just thought my pain would eventually subside but my brain in no way understood that a human being would enter into this world and depend on me to take care of it. My transition into motherhood was my inner realization that >I AM A WOMAN<. Why? Because I realized that my being a woman resulted in me doing things my husband couldn't! I didn't feel like just anyone in the world, not a child, not a man, not even a young lady...I felt like a being that was given the responsibility ...

The second half is definitely the more profound and longer so please bear with me while I attempt to unpack this. At 18 years old I was wed to a ministers son. Much like myself he listened to different music, talked differently, and had a old school view of who God is. He related to me in a deeper way than any guy I had ever met. Our biblical views were shared but that made things difficult for me as a woman. We both held complimentarian views of christian marriage and I believed that my identity and purpose should lie in my husband...because that's what the bible says right? Now mind you a lot of these assumptions were subconscious (as with any marriage). So as my first year of marriage unfolded any concern of being a godly woman morphed into every concern to be a "good" godly wife...whatever that means. I guess I took this scripture for granted  " But I want you to be free from concern. One who is  unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may...

This is a collection of memories that seemed to define my experiences being a girl, young lady, and woman. I'm going to start in the beginning and hopefully trace how and why I ended up where I am today. I am the baby in my family and my closest sibling in age is 10 years older than me. So I had the privilege of having two sets of parents only the younger set was way more cruel than the other haha. My brother took me under his wing from the beginning and so I had to be tough (which I wasn't) and honestly I wanted to be a good little brother for my big brother. I loved playing outside and hated wearing dresses. I had a hard time fitting in because I was quiet and yet rough compared to the other white girls I went to school with. I was able to make an occasional friend but they were mostly weird misfits and tomboys like myself. I really didn't want to be a girl, little boys seemed to have more fun. The older I got the more awkward I was for being a tomboy.  Puberty was a ...

Unschooling-  a home-school education with the child taking the primary responsibility instead of a parent or teacher; also called child-directed learning, self-learning Example: Under unschooling education, parents may act as "facilitators" and may provide a wide-range of resources to their children.  Since discovering the unschooling philosophy and having the privilege of meeting parents who have unschooled for years I've realized something. Unschooling is not simply an academic philosophy,but a way of life for many people. And many of these people who live it do it unintentionally and without the label.  My unschooling journey actually started when I became pregnant with my daughter and watched "The business of being born" for the first time. I had no idea that so much information about birth was not readily available in mainstream society. The more research I did the more I realized that knowledge is powerful and can determine your future! Not to m...

Saw an interesting quote from For Today's singer "Some men act like boys; they are irresponsible and apathetic. Some men act like women; they are emotionally driven crowd followers." ...I find it divisive and inconsiderate to tear down someone based on gender just to get a point across...especially because Mattie's goal was to admonish godly men to step up. One thing that jumps out to me is that a boy will grow up and become a man...but a woman is a woman for the rest of her life. Does this mean women are uncontrollably emotional and more unstable than a "boy"? This flippant disregard for christian sisters that listen to for today and follow mattie's facebook is an attitude that is becoming highly encouraged in modern churches. I won't begin to list the "Be a man" conferences and books that are coming out but I keep asking myself...what are these "men" doing to encourage and lift up their wives/daughters/sisters in the Lord? Are ...

It's amazing how the longer you're on earth the less appreciative you can become of things like breathing, waking up every morning, and birthdays. I'm amazed to find that I'm 25 today and though I've only begun to live it's as if I've lived a couple of lives within this one. There are so many transitions that I've made in a short period of time but I would not have it any other way. Going from infant to child to teen to wife to mother and to what I am now...an adult with a loving husband, a beautiful daughter and a place to call home. Leading up to this birthday I hadn't been thinking about my life because we're transitioning from my hubby working in businesses to working at home and I feed him and Angel every day. It's been pretty thought/time consuming! A few things I've learned about life so far? Showing gratitude and granting forgiveness are the beginnings of peace in yourself God is real and loves us...no need to argue the finer poin...

A lot has been swirling in my mind lately. Just to list a few of the general topics Gender inclusivity/Gender equality in the church www.cbehouston.org Accountability between women in the church http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=titus%202:3-5\\&version=ASV Unschooling within a community "school" www.therealschoolhouston.org Northern Soul- and how to dance to it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzRgiGuGDmc Oh yeah and how to dread my own hair http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSzkXXvNqL0&feature=related While I feel like I'm somewhat in isolation due to my approach to well...life. Being out here on the fringes of society (relational wise) I have found love in unexpected places. As a devout christian I've accepted that the kingdom is within me because God's Holy Spirit is within me. So it's becoming more apparent to me that wherever I go the kingdom follows and if I serve and love everyone and everywhere I will begin to see the Lord move in mysterio...

It's amazing to remember that around this time two years ago I was writhing in pain trying to cope pretty unsuccessfully with my labor haha. Two years later and that long day seems like a dream. I wanted to take the time to write down my birth story in celebration of Angel's second birthday : ) 8:30am 1/16/09 I woke up crampy thinking maybe I was having false labor but felt really giddy that it might be time to finally get rid of my giant belly! I knew the drill and ate breakfast and took a shower to see if things would stop. Aaron was getting ready for work because we thought he could use the hours since he was taking paternity leave. The cramps didn't go away so I called my sister and my mom it was about ten and they came over to help me time the cramps and see if it's the real deal. Sure enough my sister began timing rushes on her Iphone app and things were consistent. I called my midwife and she said things sounded good and to drink some wine and rest as much as I c...

"Praise the Lord! Happy are those who fear the Lord. They are not afraid of evil tidings; their hearts are firm, secure in the Lord. Their hearts are steady, they will not be afraid." (Psalm 112: 1a, 7-8a) As far back as I can remember I've been emotionally unstable. I kid you not I was the little girl who cried or eyes watered for everything! My ultra sensitivity made me a good target in school and helped alienate me from having friends. I can literally count with my hands how many friends I had from k-12. Growing older that instability manifested in more angry/impatient forms making my marriage not so enjoyable for my hubby (who already struggles with ADD). I've had to grow and struggle with myself while my husband was thrown into the mix and many times I was fighting/resisting him when really I was just exacerbating things. He has been so faithful to me it's almost as if he's represented Christ and His faithfulness to me. The other day we had a disagreement...