Skip to main content

Poor in Spirit

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." -Matt. 5:3-4

The past month has been rough for our house. My husband has gone between nurse and patient, my daughter was sick for almost 3 weeks with two different bouts of sickness. And I've been taking care of Angel and took my turn with a virus and found out we had conceived during that time. I was very excited but my fever kept me from enjoying the pregnancy. After about four days of fever and cold symptoms I started spotting and immediately asked trusted friends/family what to do. Come to find out that all of my symptoms (spotting, back cramps) we're signs that I was having a miscarriage. It was upsetting but it didn't really sink in at first. We had been trying for about five months and I was so excited to confirm with my doctor. I knew miscarriage was a possibility but of course I had no idea what to look for so I felt caught off guard. That feeling mixed with being sick and not being out of the house for weeks I was bummed out to say the least. It has felt like a dark cloud is following me wherever I go. I'm still not over the sickness but the miscarriage has naturally passed. It is the strangest feeling to be aware of a loss that was never tangibly present. I seem to have lost something I never found and it sucks. 

I guess it's due to hormones but I'm sensitive about things right now and my heart is overwhelmed by some of the pain that many people I know have to endure. Like anyone that has ever lived, I've pondered lately why we have to suffer in life. Due to growing up in the church the things that all Christians say to others in hard times does not bring me even a shadow of comfort. The reality of life seems to be more intense than shallow generic statements out of the bible. "Let go let God". ^"blessed are those who mourn"....etc. What about these statements actually speaks to the pain that people feel when they are overwhelmed by confusion and loss? I feel like many of us Christians don't know how to be listeners. We don't know how to simply be present so someone can process the loss. And we also expect people to reach out to us in their time of suffering. My eyes have been opened to the need for compassionate listeners. Those that aren't afraid to be near the poor in spirit and can even empathize with them. You don't have to know what to say, you don't even have to identify, you simply should be present in love. I personally don't want to be afraid to be a listener. Even Jesus wept with those that mourned Lazarus though he knew the miracle that was to come. 

I am immensely grateful for a friend of mine that showed me how powerful listening can be. She not only watched over me and made sure I was okay, she was compassionate and lent her ear and heart to me. This is what I believe Jesus talked about when he said we are like a city on a hill. Our care and love should shine for those that are in darkness revealing the love that is here with us in this life. The kingdom of God is in our hearts so let us be eager to share it with those in need. 

That's pretty much where I'm at right now...still processing. It's strange but even the way I pray has changed. I have a feeling more inner change is on the horizon. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I don't believe in coincidences

Is it possible that life and death occur outside of God's hand? I know as long as I'm breathing my questions about life and living will never cease. But to let my unanswered questions of life cripple me to the point of not loving and "living" would be a tragedy. It's this thought that keeps me going...searching...for God's loving hand and precious face. I hate that I'm not consistent. That I can't drop everything and go on a quest like buddha did. I don't believe I could abandon my responsibilities to pursue spiritual knowledge. No offense buddha. I was pondering the other day what "reality" is. Is it our consciousness? Our physical being and how it relates to the world around us? Or our spiritual man that will one day depart from this physical world into...eternity? People put so much into what they believe is reality, the physical. "You must make providing for yourself and sustaining yourself the number one priority." I'm ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Transitions transitions

Life feels like a balancing act of transitions and lulls. When you throw offspring into the mix the transitions come at a faster rate. Each milestone that passes feels like a weight off my shoulders only to be replaced by the oncoming milestones. My child/children have taken precedence over everything for me. I am confident in my identity as a woman and my personal goals/career. On the other hand I feel a deep sense of responsibility to make sure my offspring is given the opportunity to explore themselves and the world. I don't want them to fall into the rat race of life. The dreaded american dream. There is so much more life has to offer. When will they ever learn to be human...rather humane if their time is occupied by a way of living that simply preoccupies the mind? Depression kind of runs in my family. I've noticed living in a society that distracts us with consumerism, competition, "goals", etc. leaves those prone to depression feeling empty. We need spaces th...
Post a Comment
Read more

constant contemplating

I have so much "mommy stuff" bouncing around in my head I don't know where to start. When I brought home my beautiful baby girl I was under the impression she would eat, sleep, and poop. Well she did eat...A LOT and often. And she definitely knocked out a good amount of diapers a day but the sleep part...not so much. She will be four months officially on monday and she still gets up at night every 2-4 hrs to eat and naps for 30min-1hr throughout the day. "Will I ever sleep through the night again?" is a question I ask myself once a week. She is growing so well and is pretty stinkin smart I have no cause for concern...other than my selfish desires. Right now I'm trying to figure out if I should start introducing food, there is so much information out there when it comes to parenting crap that I don't even know whats right! Instead of getting stressed out I think I'll go with the flow and wait on my baby to determine a lot of these steps. For now the o...
4 comments
Read more