Let me be honest with myself

I think nighttime puts my brain in a state of reflection. It's the ideal time for me to break things down and process my thoughts. The problem with processing things alone at night is that I often find myself feeling very isolated. Like I truly have no one I can fully be honest with. I have a tendency to withhold parts of myself when I deal with certain people. I guess it's self-preservation. I don't want to be vulnerable so it's easy to just hide aspects of me with certain people and expose other aspects with other people. But it feels very inconsistent. Why do I find it so difficult to just BE? Lately I've been mulling over parts of myself that I have locked away for a long time. The parts of me that doubt my faith in God, parts of me that are different than societal norms, it's like I've tried to be so many different things throughout my life only to obtain a fleeting sense of belonging. It's never lasted. And so I find myself a grown adult with a f...

One life. So many opportunities to experience something new. Something unique. For the first time in my life my inner thoughts and feelings don't scare me. I've begun to pull back the curtain and the light has shone. In this light I can speak of my desires and curiosities. I was made to be afraid of myself and what I'm capable of. But the lies have fallen to the wayside one by one. Our trajectory has changed. For better or for worse we cannot go back. All that awaits is life. Life without fear of self.