Let me be honest with myself

Wow it's been awhile! I haven't been on here because things got a little busy : ) I'm in school trying to figure out the route that God wants me to take and also trying to raise my energetic gorgeous daughter! As always things have been up and down but the Lord is always faithful and carries me through my bad decisions haha. I'm currently reading the ragamuffin gospel in my ladies bible study and it really has spoken to my heart about issues that I thought I understood (turns out I don't know jack, who woulda thunk?). The reoccurring theme in the book (like the bible) is grace. God's amazing, immeasurable, almost incomprehensible grace. Frankly grace has been a slap in the face for me. Grace has told me that I don't know everything and NEVER will, and that I should rest in faith instead of being frustrated with the Lord. (Isaiah 55:8 "For as the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than yours and my thoughts than your thoughts."...

You can have all your physical needs met but if you're dying spiritually you will NEVER find rest. It doesn't matter how many vacations you take or "get away" outings or even spa trips...you can feel yourself dying and theres nothing you can do about it. More often than normal I've been questioning why I believe what I believe; how it is that I can tell people "I believe in an invisible being and I talk to Him but it pretty much looks like I'm talking to myself oh and by the way He sent His "son" to this earth a couple thousand years ago to die for us and stuff". I've come to the conclusion that I'm crazy. I have to be...to believe what I believe. But that's okay I think. The people that I really look up to were seen as crazy John the baptist Paul the apostle JESUS oh let's just throw in the entire early church I'd go so far as to say if you're not prepared to lose your mind don't be a christian. Don't read t...

So my sociology class is awesome! Not the teacher really but the material is good stuff. It's opened my eyes to the possibilities in my future. I intended on becoming a nurse to become a supporter or advocate for midwifery but the more I'm looking into the role sociologists play the more I'm realizing that what I want to do is more sociological. For instance I've just spent the last hour looking up medical journals about the effects of midwifery being removed from hospitals on western society. I'm SO intrigued by all the studies that have been done and are being done in this area of the medical field. I love the idea of studying the effects of hospitals influence on women in american society and the questions of "Is pregnancy pathology or just a risk of pathology? Should pregnant women be treated as patients during their labor or should they have more control?" etc etc. For me the instinctual aspect of birth really drives me to want to study it further and...

Wow seems like someone pressed the FFWD button. My life has been moving fast, and it doesn't seem to be slowing down. This realization just makes me want to spend as much time with my husband and daughter as I can. Well where do I start? My church (Anchor church) has moved to a new building and more opportunities to serve have come up which has been exciting! One of the things I'm doing is singing in the worship band, it's seriously nerve wrecking because everyone in the band is good at what they do and I've never been the confident type! I'm just anxious to see the Holy Spirit freely move during worship and other members feeling compelled to edify our little group of misfits hehe. Aaron and I we're able to get away for the weekend and it was much needed! We went to dickens on the strand and had a blast *pictures coming soon* we'll definitely be returning next year. The B & B that we stayed at had some really nice people staying there and of course the o...

So I'm watching the revival in AL live right now and nathan told everyone watching to pray over themselves if they need healing. So I put my hand on my wrist cuz for about four years my wrist becomes inflamed if I lift things too often due to a job lifting heavy things. Anyway it has been hurting ALL week normally it's just for a day but it's been bothering me to where I can't sleep sometimes. So I laid my hand on my wrist and began to feel the pain just LEAVE...even now that I'm writing this I'm laughing with joy. I heard the spirit say "You're healed"! Thank you Lord for healing me!!!! Jesus is awesome! : D P.S. it's called Bay of the Holy Spirit Revival, my mom went a couple of weeks ago and saw a mute/deaf woman healed...amazing!

community-b. Sharing, participation, and fellowship. I had no idea how much I needed this ^ until I experienced it. It's almost as if God designed man to feel incomplete without deep community between brothers in the church. It's been a tough run trying to find people that I really felt I could connect with. But I feel that I'm on the verge if not already beginning to experience community between women in my church. It's funny because we've been having ladies bible study and we've had TWO meetings and I already feel alive in my spirit! I'm not sure what else to say other than younger women NEED friendships with older women in the church. We have to be able to learn from each other and stop making excuses for not pursuing relationships. I hope the church as a whole can really invest itself in covenant relationships that are bound with unconditional love. If we don't do this we will suffer spiritually and emotionally. It's hard definitely, you have to ...

Cara Muhlhahn CNM on child labor and birth- "A woman really doesn't need to be rescued...It's not the place for the night in shining armor. Its the place for her to face her darkest moment and lay claim to her victory..." This statement has resonated with me for awhile now and the more I delve into this other world of "natural" birth the more I feel compelled to become apart of it. I am indebted to the amazing women that attended my birth, the nurses, the midwife, my sister and of course my husband who is not a woman haha. How can I describe to you what I felt the moment the midwife put my warm gooey baby in my arms? There is nothing like it. I went from experiencing the most intense feelings my body has ever felt (painful yes) to total heavenly joy and awe. The things I remember most about my birth experience were afterward...holding my warm baby, kissing her soft cheek, bathing with her in herbs, nursing her while we lay together as a family on the bed in ...