Let me be honest with myself

It's amazing to remember that around this time two years ago I was writhing in pain trying to cope pretty unsuccessfully with my labor haha. Two years later and that long day seems like a dream. I wanted to take the time to write down my birth story in celebration of Angel's second birthday : ) 8:30am 1/16/09 I woke up crampy thinking maybe I was having false labor but felt really giddy that it might be time to finally get rid of my giant belly! I knew the drill and ate breakfast and took a shower to see if things would stop. Aaron was getting ready for work because we thought he could use the hours since he was taking paternity leave. The cramps didn't go away so I called my sister and my mom it was about ten and they came over to help me time the cramps and see if it's the real deal. Sure enough my sister began timing rushes on her Iphone app and things were consistent. I called my midwife and she said things sounded good and to drink some wine and rest as much as I c...

"Praise the Lord! Happy are those who fear the Lord. They are not afraid of evil tidings; their hearts are firm, secure in the Lord. Their hearts are steady, they will not be afraid." (Psalm 112: 1a, 7-8a) As far back as I can remember I've been emotionally unstable. I kid you not I was the little girl who cried or eyes watered for everything! My ultra sensitivity made me a good target in school and helped alienate me from having friends. I can literally count with my hands how many friends I had from k-12. Growing older that instability manifested in more angry/impatient forms making my marriage not so enjoyable for my hubby (who already struggles with ADD). I've had to grow and struggle with myself while my husband was thrown into the mix and many times I was fighting/resisting him when really I was just exacerbating things. He has been so faithful to me it's almost as if he's represented Christ and His faithfulness to me. The other day we had a disagreement...

DISCLAIMER:the terminology I use in this blog may be unsettling to some. This blog is about child birth and labor...you have been warned. Isaiah 1:18 "Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD." I feel like I need to say the above quote to women in the west. Let us reason together . Reason- a (1) : the power of comprehending, inferring, or thinking especially in orderly rational ways : intelligence (2) : proper exercise of the mind (3) : sanity Let us reason together about birth. Let us not be automatically divided but let us talk, debate, exchange:facts, science, logic, intuition, emotions of every kind and experiences. Let us engage the POWER of comprehending. But that's what I ask. Can we not reason together? I start this off in a somewhat general way. But really it boils down to people I know/have known and how birth has effected them negatively and positively. Where do I start when it comes to birthing babies? Well lets start with my mom. My mother had ...

I feel anxious. I know that true growth causes change but I have a hard time adjusting to change. Period. I bite Aarons head off when he changes plans or makes plans without me knowing. It's definitely a personal/controleverythingaroundme issue. God is uncomfortably uprooting this issue because I've asked Him to. Do you ever momentarily regret certain prayers? I do that a lot. I've gone through so much of my adult life feeling overwhelmed. Like the burdens assigned to me were simply too much. Like God why can't I be assigned with being too loving? Thats a burden that seems less uncomfortable/humiliating. I had enough to deal with being a teenager and being emo. Now I have to be emo as an adult too?! This probably doesn't make any sense but my last post really ties into it. I feel my flesh/ego suffering. I am realizing my weaknesses/issues and it seems too overwhelming to deal with. Quick story. So my dad told me to watch "Fat Sick and Nearly Dead" and I di...

This topic has always been one that hits me hard. Mostly because I've secretly adopted the prosperity gospel. So you know when the going gets tough I'm overwhelmed by all the scriptures that talk about suffering, especially those concerning people "blessed" by God. You know the whole Job story and many others like it...Jesus' entire life is also a good example. Many of my battles have been internal (emotional,psychological etc.). So if you would look at me on the outside you might think, "Whats the big deal? You got a roof over your head and health...what else is there?". But unfortunately the longer I'm on this earth the more I realize that a roof over your head and health just don't cut it. There is far more to the human experience than we give credit. So I realized today while reading a scripture, I've read numerous times, that I've always liked the prosperity gospel. I've secretly believed that if I gave God my everything that I w...

Lately I've been mulling over in my head my priorities and responsibilities. And I've realized that the two don't always match up, which is okay as long as I don't neglect the most important things at hand. So what are my priorities? Well as of right now I'm 24 years old and would really like to get serious about school but I have a SLIGHT problem...no money for it! I don't want to go to school for the same reason most of my former high school peers went. I actually like learning...a lot! Fortunately I have a husband who faithfully provides for me and our daughter so as of right now theres not a lot of pressure for me to go "get" a career. But I'm really trying to break this down in my head to understand why I would even consider doing a program in school that would take a lot of time away from raising my daughter. That brings me to what are my responsibilities? And right now theres only one face that I picture in my mind. From the day I held that...

jumping in head first: Home Education - "I Could Never Do That" : Since we took our kids out of the public school system two years ago I've answered a lot of questions and had many discussions with people c...