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I used to

I used to write a lot.
I used to draw inspiration from challenges.
I would turn my internal struggles into personal development projects.
I would use guilt and shame to push me toward the unattainable character goals my beliefs told me to strive for.

I don't write much anymore.
Every time I sit down to type out my feelings theres a wall.
I feel stuck in some aspects
And like a completely different person in other aspects.
So much has changed I get overwhelmed looking at the jigsaw puzzle of experiences...and I don't know where to start and where to end.
It's never ending.
The transitions keep coming closer together like labor pains.
The pressure of change is my constant companion.

Maybe I can just speak to the present.

Where can I draw my beliefs from?
From others?
From books written by others?
Can I trust my inner voice to guide me to live honestly?
Is it wrong to choose that source inside myself?
If I don't have that I have nothing else.
I cannot bring myself to place trust in systems, in ideas created by people that seek power.
This is all I have.
This is the only piece of god I have left.
Myself.

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